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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29912217">safe space</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/chaotic_carisi/pseuds/chaotic_carisi'>chaotic_carisi</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Law &amp; Order: SVU</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 20:00:28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,537</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29912217</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/chaotic_carisi/pseuds/chaotic_carisi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Something changed as he watched Barba, something inside Sonny. He knew he admired Barba, of course, he did, but he began to realize his admiration might be more than professional.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Rafael Barba/Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr.</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>57</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sonny turned around when he heard the voices getting closer, recognizing the Sergeant’s voice, but unsure of the other. He watched as a man walked through the precinct and into the Sergeant’s office, unable to look away until the door slammed shut behind him. </p><p>“Hey, Rollins, who’s that with the Sarge?” He asked, trying to catch a glimpse of the stranger through the gaps in the blinds. </p><p>“Hmm?” Rollins turned around, looking up from the file she had been reading. “Oh, that’s ADA Barba, he works with us for most cases.”  She handed him a file and Sonny was forced to look away from the Sargeant’s office. </p><p>As hard as he tried, he couldn’t stop thinking about the ADA, as brief as their encounter was. There was just something about him that Sonny couldn’t understand. </p><p>Just as he managed to focus on the case at hand, the Sargeant’s office door opened, and out came Barba. </p><p>“So, you’re the new Detective?” He said, walking up to Sonny, who suddenly couldn’t remember how to speak. He found himself staring for a moment, trying to take every single detail of the man in front of him until he noticed the ADA's outstretched hand. </p><p>Sonny reached up, shaking his hand and speaking up before his mind could wander too far. “Dominick Carisi Jr. Call me Sonny.” He recited the same introduction he had used so many times before, almost as if it was a script. By now, he wasn’t sure why he bothered. Everyone at this new precinct seemed to ignore the last part. </p><p>“ADA Rafael Barba.” They locked eyes for a moment, and Sonny felt as if he had been struck by lightning. He let go of Barba’s hand but held his gaze for a moment longer. “I’m looking forward to working with you, Detective.”   </p><p>“Yeah, you too, Counselor.” Sonny watched, confused at his thoughts, as Barba turned and left the precinct. </p><p>After that, everything suddenly became a familiar shade of green. </p><p>-</p><p>“Hey, counselor!” Sonny called, following Barba into the courthouse. Barba stopped, turning to face Sonny with a look on his face that Sonny couldn’t figure out. “You know I’m going to law school, right?”</p><p>Barba smirked. “I’ve alerted the bar association, yes.” </p><p>Sonny couldn’t keep the grin off his face. “Alright, so I was wondering if I could shadow you in court today. I think it would give me some good practice.”</p><p>Barba didn’t say anything at first, and Sonny began to feel nervous as he waited for an answer. </p><p>“Don’t they need you at the precinct?” He asked, and Sonny began to worry. Did Barba really not want him around?</p><p>“Uh, no. I asked Liv, she said Thanksgiving’s always quiet.” Sonny felt a flash of anxiety. What if Barba said no? </p><p>“Alright,” Barba said, and Sonny let out a sigh of relief. “But shadows don’t speak, okay?”</p><p>“You won’t even know I’m there,” Sonny said, grinning as he followed Barba into the courtroom, and for the first time, he passed the gallery, taking a seat at the desk next to Barba. </p><p>He watched with fascination as Barba began to organize his notes, trying his best to remember everything he did, everything he had notes of, and how everything was set out. </p><p>He watched in awe as Barba asked questions, admiring the way he held himself in court. It was as if there was no one else in the room, only Barba, and Sonny couldn’t take his eyes off him. </p><p>Sonny watched from the edge of his seat as Barba began interrogating the witness, feeling his stomach drop as if he was on a rollercoaster. </p><p>Something changed as he watched Barba, something inside Sonny. He knew he admired Barba, of course, he did, but he began to realize his admiration might be more than professional. </p><p>As soon as the Judge announced recess, Sonny rushed outside, not stopping until he was outside the courthouse. He moved away from the doors, pressing his back against the wall and covering his face with his hands. </p><p>This couldn’t be right, he thought, trying to make sense of his realization. </p><p>He was straight, he thought. His admiration for Barba couldn’t be anything other than professional. </p><p>The more Sonny repeated it in his head, the more it felt like he was trying to convince himself. </p><p>-</p><p>Sonny sat in the middle of his bed, knees pulled up to his chest, shaking his head as his thoughts became louder and louder. No matter what he did, his thoughts always rushed back to Barba. </p><p>Specifically to being with Barba. </p><p>Kissing Barba. </p><p>No, he couldn’t think like that. </p><p>Sonny stood up, pulling his coat on without thinking, and left his apartment, knowing exactly where he was going. </p><p>He walked into the church where he had been only a week ago, remembering how he told Father Eugene that he understood what he was feeling, what he was going through. </p><p>Sonny kneeled and tried his best to clear his head, but it was impossible. His thoughts consisted of one topic and one topic only. </p><p>He thought of the countless times he had prayed, wishing he could just stop thinking about Rafael Barba, but it was pointless. </p><p>Everything led back to Rafael. </p><p>He stood up, sighing as he turned around and left. </p><p>Was it so wrong for him to have feelings for a man?</p><p>-</p><p>Sonny took his usual seat in the gallery, feeling his heart fill when Barba turned around to look at him, a confident smirk on his face. Barba was going to win this case, and Sonny would be here to cheer him on, just like he always was. </p><p>Sonny watched the way Barba moved around the court, almost like a dance. He couldn't keep his eyes off him. </p><p>“Hey, you did great today,” Sonny said once Barba left the courtroom. </p><p>“Thanks.” He shrugged, taking a seat on the bench while he checked his notes. </p><p>“So, I sat the bar the other day,” He started, trying to build his confidence. “I just wanted to say that, if I passed, it’s because of you.”</p><p>Barba looked up at him, a softness in his eyes that Sonny had never noticed before. “You misjudge your own talent, Carisi. If you passed, it’s because of the work you put in.”</p><p>Barba checked his watch and stood up, followed closely by Sonny. </p><p>“Yeah, well, I just want to say, I really admire your, uh…” He paused, realizing he had no idea what he meant to say. </p><p>“Suicidal streak?” Barba smirked, and once again, Sonny’s face lit up, but not for long. </p><p>Liv arrived, notifying them the jury had made their decision, and Sonny felt the pit in his stomach again. </p><p>He watched as Barba walked away, wishing he could tell him what he really felt. </p><p>It was more than admiration. </p><p>It was love.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“I’m not worried. Not in here.” </p><p>They were in a room full of people, yet Sonny only heard Rafael. It was as if they were alone, and honestly, Sonny would’ve preferred it that way. </p><p>He felt his heart pound as he copied Barba in raising his glass to his lips, not breaking eye contact as he downed his drink. </p><p>As he watched Barba, he felt conflicted. Here he was, with Barba, feeling on top of the world, but when he thought about why he was really here, he felt the weight of the universe bearing down on him. </p><p>He glanced away, looking around the room to all the cops, each with a solemn expression on their faces. Once again, he found himself looking for a familiar face, feeling the stab of pain when he remembered that he wouldn’t be seeing Mike Dodds again. </p><p>His attention was brought back to Barba when he stood up, reaching out to steady himself by grabbing Sonny’s shoulder. </p><p>Sonny froze, holding his breath as he felt Barba’s hand squeeze his shoulder. “Are you alright?” He asked, forcing himself to take a deep breath. </p><p>Barba nodded, wobbling slightly as he straightened up and pulled on his jacket. “I should head home.” </p><p>Sonny let out a sigh when he felt Barba’s hand lift from his shoulder. “Alright, well, I’ll walk you home,” he said, standing up and nodding towards Benson. </p><p>“You don’t have to do that, Carisi.” Barba started, but Sonny was already shaking his head. </p><p>“Counselor, you received death threats, I’m not letting you out of my sight until I know you’re safe at home.” Sonny’s thoughts became murky again, and he had to force himself to remember that Barba was fine, he was alive, and he was right in front of him. </p><p>Barba looked at Sonny for a moment, almost as if he was trying to decide wether to argue back or just accept with defeat. Eventually, he just nodded, and turned to leave the bar. </p><p>He followed Barba out the bar, smiling to himself as Barba began to sing under his breath as they walked down the empty streets. Sonny had no idea what the song was, but he enjoyed listening. </p><p>“I appreciate you doing this, Carisi.” Barba said suddenly, and Sonny glanced over him, not sure how to respond. “I mean, I know I can be mean, and bossy too, and I usually just push everyone away, but you’re still here. You haven’t let yourself be pushed away, and…” He stopped, and sighed as if he were the most troubled man in the world. “I respect you for that, Carisi.” He stopped walking and turned to face Sonny, who was searching for the right thing to say. “This is my place.” He gestured toward the apartments they had stopped outside. </p><p>Sonny wasn’t sure what made him speak up, but he had a strong feeling Barba wouldn’t remember it. </p><p>“You can’t push me away, Rafael. I promise, I won’t be going anywhere.” His voice shook as he spoke, but he didn’t care. </p><p>Barba nodded slowly. “Good.”</p><p>Then something unexpected happened. </p><p>Barba stepped forward, reaching up and putting his hand on Sonny’s shoulder again, except this time he leaned up and kissed him. </p><p>Sonny felt his hands fly up instinctively, shocked at first, but it didn’t take him long to relax. He could taste the alcohol on Rafael’s lips. He felt electricity coursing through him as Rafael’s hand pressed against his chest, but as quickly as it had begun, it  was over. </p><p>Rafael stepped back, sighing. “Goodnight, Sonny,” was all he said before turning and letting himself into his apartment, leaving Sonny outside, frozen to the spot in disbelief. </p><p>He stood there for a few minutes, thinking about Barba kissing him, Barba’s lips against his own, but also how Barba had said his name. </p><p>He had called him Sonny. </p><p>The next morning, Sonny decided not to mention it, not sure if Barba even remembered. </p><p>Barba didn’t mention it either, and so Sonny decided to pretend it had never happened. </p><p>-</p><p>“You’re leaving?” Sonny stood outside Rafael’s flat once more, fists clenched, full of emotions that he didn’t know how to contain. </p><p>Rafael groaned, slamming the door shut behind him. “What are you doing here, Carisi?”</p><p>“Liv told me. Is it true?” He asked, stepping closer to Rafael, thinking about the last time they had stood outside together. When he didn’t answer, Sonny asked again, shouting louder than  he meant to. “Rafael, please, is it true?” </p><p>“Yes.” Rafael sighed, avoiding looking up at Sonny. </p><p>“Why? Is it because of that kid?” Sonny asked, clenching his fists tighter to stop the shaking in his hands. </p><p>“There’s more to it than that, Carisi.” </p><p>“Like what?” Sonny knew he was overstepping, but he couldn’t let this happen, he couldn't let Rafael leave. </p><p>Rafael looked up, something gleaming in his once bright eyes that Sonny had never seen before. “Why do you care, Carisi?”</p><p>“Because I love you Rafael!” </p><p>Sonny’s words echoed through the empty street as regret rushed through him. </p><p>“Then why didn’t you say anything before now? What about the night of Dodds’ funeral? Why wouldn’t you mention it then?” Rafael’s rush of questions made Sonny recoil. </p><p>“I didn’t think you remembered.” Sonny muttured, dropping his gaze to the ground as Rafael shook his head. </p><p>“Of course, I remember.” He sighed. “It’s too late, Carisi, I have to go. I can’t stay here anymore. I have nothing left.”</p><p>“Stay for me.” </p><p>“Sonny…”</p><p>“No, Rafael, listen to me. Stay for me, with me.” It felt like he was pleading and Sonny had no idea of knowing what Rafael was thinking, no idea of knowing what would happen next. </p><p>Rafael didn’t say anything, and desperately, Sonny began to blurt out the thoughts he had been keeping back for years. </p><p>“You, Rafael Barba, you are my safe space. Time slows down when I'm with you, it’s like nothing else matters. I have never felt this way for anyone before, and actually, I don’t really know what I’m feeling. All I know is that I can’t lose you.” Sonny felt the first tear fall, but he didn't bother wiping it away. </p><p>Rafael’s face softened, but his eyes were still cold. </p><p>“Go home, Sonny.” Rafael's voice was harsh, and Sonny knew that it was too late to say anything to change his mind. </p><p>“You don’t understand, Rafael. Without you, I don’t have a home. I have nothing. Please don’t go. Don’t leave me, Rafael.” His voice cracked and the tears fell faster, but Sonny didn’t care. </p><p>All he cared about was Rafael. </p><p>Rafael pushed past Sonny, sticking his hand out into the street to hail a taxi. </p><p>“I can’t, Sonny. I have to move on.” He said, and watched Sonny for a moment, before kissing him again. </p><p>It was different this time, softer, more painful, and Sonny knew inside that this was him saying goodbye. </p><p>Rafael pulled away as a taxi pulled over, getting in without saying a word, but Sonny saw the tears on his face. </p><p>“Please…” He whispered, one last time, but it was too late. </p><p>The taxi drove away. </p><p>Rafael was gone.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Time seemed to slow down after Rafael left. Colours that once seemed brighter than life were now grey and dull, food tasted bland and work? Well, work was work. Work was actually the worst part in a way. Those times when he was excited to see Barba in court were now just memories. </p><p>The new ADA was probably a great lawyer, and Sonny tried his best to listen to him, to try to learn something from him as he had done with Barba, but the truth was simple. Peter Stone was a replacement for something that couldn’t ever be replaced. </p><p>Stone left soon enough, except no one replaced him. </p><p>Instead, Sonny became the new ADA, taking his place in court. His first day wasn’t easy, all he could think about was watching Barba for the first time, and although it got easier over time, the support from the squad began to vanish. </p><p>Sonny felt himself becoming more isolated, losing parts of himself as he pushed further into his work, often spending late nights at the office and early mornings arguing with Amanda or Kat about whatever case they brought him. </p><p>The days blurred and eventually, finally, he managed to wake up without thinking of Rafael Barba. </p><p>He wasn’t quite ready to move on, not yet, but he had met someone at work, someone nice. </p><p>Sonny enjoyed spending time with Isaiah, and although they were friends, he hoped something else could happen once he felt ready. He trusted Isaiah, spending late nights with him when he felt abandoned by the squad, telling him his worries about the constant pile of cases on his desk. He even came out to Isaiah, feeling comfortable enough with him to trust him, but there was still something missing. </p><p>The something being Rafael Barba, of course, but by now, Sonny had given up hope of Barba returning to New York. </p><p>For Sonny, it was just another day. It was a new year, and to start off, Sonny had a case that should be relatively easy.</p><p>Should be. </p><p>He was finishing organising the last of his paperwork before leaving for the night when it happened. </p><p>“Carisi.” </p><p>Sonny froze. </p><p>He wanted to turn around, but at the same time, he wanted to disappear. </p><p>Of course, the latter was impossible, so he turned around. </p><p>Sonny smiled for the first time in a long time when he looked up to see Rafael Barba leaning against the doorway. </p><p>He was back.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Rafael…” Sonny felt a million emotions rush through him as he looked up at Barba, somehow feeling heartbroken and head-over-heels in love at the same time. </p><p>Sonny was frozen to the spot. He wanted to run over and hug Barba and never let him go, but he thought about that last night, about the way Barba had left and hadn’t even said goodbye. He looked into Rafael’s eyes, but all he could see was…</p><p>Regret. </p><p>“Sonny, I… I know I have a lot of explaining to do, and I promise, I will get to that eventually, but…” He hesitated, taking in Sonny. </p><p>Sonny hadn’t changed much, but he changed enough to fit into his new job on the eighth floor. His suits had become more expensive over time, his closet gradually began to resemble something Barba would be proud of, and the grey in his hair had begun to spread, perhaps accelerated by the stress of the job. </p><p>Beneath the new suits and the tired expression, he was just the same Sonny Carisi. </p><p>“You look good, Sonny. You look really good.” Rafael finally said, stepping fully into the room. </p><p>Sonny’s brain froze, and all he could manage was, “You grew a beard.” </p><p>Barba laughed, reaching up to stroke his beard. “Yeah, but, uh… Well, I think it’ll have to go before tomorrow.” </p><p>“No, I mean, it looks good. It suits you.” Sonny paused, thinking about what he said. “Why? What’s happening tomorrow?”</p><p>“Right, that’s what I came to see you about.” He walked into the middle of Sonny’s office, casting an eye around the cramped room and sighing. “I’m defending Davis tomorrow.” </p><p>“Oh.”</p><p>Sonny didn’t know what to say. He was glad to see Rafael again, but he had never expected this. He had never expected to face his mentor and the love of his life in court. </p><p> </p><p>No, he couldn’t let himself think like that, he couldn’t let himself get distracted by Barba. </p><p>Barba… </p><p>Barba who had taught him everything he knows. Sonny thought of the multiple occasions when he had managed to win a case after using some of Barba’s tricks in court. </p><p>Barba he loved.</p><p>Loves. </p><p>Sonny sat down behind his desk, scrunching his eyes closed in an attempt to block everything out. He had to be professional. He couldn’t let his feelings get in the way of the case. </p><p>He flinched as he felt Barba’s hand on his shoulder, opening his eyes to see the concerned look on his face. </p><p>“Are you alright?” He asked, still not moving his hand. </p><p>A flood of memories came rushing back as Rafael squeezed his shoulder lightly, memories that Sonny had tried so hard to move on. </p><p>“I’m fine.” He glanced up at the clock on the wall. “Actually, I’m late.” He stood up, grabbing his coat as Rafael’s hand fell away. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Counselor.” </p><p>He left quickly, needing to feel the fresh air again, to clear his head.</p><p>-</p><p>Sonny’s legs shook as he walked into court, taking his place behind the desk that was once Barba’s. He focused on his notes, not wanting to look at Barba, but as hard as he tried to focus, all thoughts rushed back to Barba. </p><p>And so it began, the mentor against the mentee, facing off in court. </p><p>Once they started, Sonny found it easier to focus on the case, but Barba didn’t help. He couldn’t avoid the glances as they passed each other, and Sonny lost all train of thought when Barba sat on his desk. </p><p>As the day went on, Sonny felt worse and worse, but he put it down to nerves, ignoring his shaking legs and spinning head until he stood up and had to clutch the edge of his desk to stop him falling over. </p><p>“Mr. Carisi, do you need a recess?” The Judge asked as Sonny straightened up. </p><p>He shook his head, ignoring the look on Barba’s face. “I’m fine, Your Honor.” And he truly thought he was. </p><p>His headaches only got worse, but he couldn’t give up, he couldn’t step back now. </p><p>He continued his questioning, ignoring the way the room began to spin faster and the lights began to dim and everything suddenly blurred until-</p><p>“Carisi!” </p><p>It was Rafael’s voice, Sonny knew that, but he couldn’t tell where it was coming from. In fact, he couldn’t tell where he was. </p><p>He heard the crack of something solid hit the marble floor but didn’t register it as his own head, only wondering where Rafael was as the world turned black.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sonny woke up on an unfamiliar couch with a blinding pain in his head, not sure where he was. He sat up, reaching up to feel the back of his head and wincing when he gently prodded the tender area that had been throbbing. He glanced around the empty room, realising he was still somewhere in the courthouse. He froze when he noticed the chair in the corner of the room, a familiar jacket slung over the arm. </p><p>“Hey, you’re awake.” Rafael came into the room, a smile on his face and a coffee in his hand. </p><p>Sonny looked slowly from the chair to Rafael, still confused. “What happened?” </p><p>“You passed out, Sonny.” Rafael sat on the edge of the couch next to Sonny, pushing his hair back as he lightly placed a hand on his forehead, frowning to himself. “What’s going on?” Sonny didn’t answer, holding his breath as he felt the warm hand on his forehead, trying to think of an excuse. When Sonny didn’t answer, Rafael pressed on. “Sonny, when was the last time you ate, or got a good night's sleep?” </p><p>Sonny shrugged, letting out a sigh as Rafael dropped his hand. “I haven’t had much time for myself recently, I guess I just lost track.” </p><p>“You need to look after yourself, Sonny, please.” He reached out and took Sonny’s hand, prompting Sonny to look up, his tired eyes full of confusion. “For me.”</p><p>Sonny felt himself slip as he looked into Rafael’s eyes, feeling the hole that had been left in his chest suddenly become heavy again. As he felt Rafael’s fingers entwined with his own, he thought of the first few weeks after he had left, the nights he spent waiting for him to return, waiting for a phone call or any type of contact from Rafael. Waiting for something that never came. </p><p>He pulled his hand away from Rafael, taking a deep breath and closing his eyes, doing his best to adopt the mindset he only used in court. </p><p>This was a situation where he couldn’t let himself get attached. Not again. </p><p>When he opened his eyes, his face was set and his voice cold. “What good is it if you’re not here anymore?” Sonny heard the sharp intake of breath beside him, but he didn’t look. He couldn’t. </p><p>“Sonny, I had to leave. I couldn’t stay, not after everything that happened, but I wanted to.” He paused, and Sonny could feel his leg bouncing beside him. “I wanted to stay with you.”</p><p> </p><p>“Why didn’t you?”</p><p>“I was scared. I was terrified and I was falling apart and I didn’t want to push you away. I didn’t want to hurt you, not more than I had to.” Sonny heard Rafael’s voice crack but he still didn’t turn to look at him. </p><p>“So, instead of letting me in, letting me help you, you thought it would be better to leave me standing at the side of the road alone, you thought the radio silence for the past 3 years was letting me down easily?” Sonny stopped, biting the inside of his cheek before he said too much. </p><p>“I thought it was the best option. I thought if I opened up, you would end up leaving.”</p><p>“I will always be here for you, Rafael. Always.” He turned, feeling the lump build in his throat when he saw Rafael’s tear filled eyes, but he wasn’t finished. “But won’t be.” Rafael shook his head, and Sonny watched as the tears finally spilled from his eyes. “You’re leaving again, aren’t you?”</p><p>“The Judge declared a mistrial after you passed, so I have no reason to stay.” </p><p>Sonny felt a wave of deja vu, and found himself repeating himself. “Stay for me.” Rafael didn’t answer at first, so Sonny stood up, a sudden burst of hope rushing through him. He reached down, taking Rafael’s hand and holding tight in his own. “Rafael, stay for me. This time, please.” </p><p>Sonny could feel Rafael’s hand shaking as he held it, already knowing what was coming. </p><p>“My flight is tonight.”</p><p>Sonny dropped Rafael’s hand and all the colour drained from the world once more. </p><p>“Right.” He whispered, wishing Rafael would look up at him, but he didn’t and Sonny knew that this was yet another wordless goodbye. Without saying another word, Sonny turned and left. </p><p>-</p><p>He sat on the floor of his apartment, a bag of ice pressed against the throbbing area of his head held up by the wall behind him. He pushed his sweater sleeves up to his elbows and reached for the bottle beside him, an expensive whisky that he remembered Rafael drinking. It burnt his throat as he swallowed a mouthful, but he didn’t care. </p><p>He just wanted the pain to disappear. </p><p>As he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, someone knocked his door. Groaning, he stood up, leaving the bottle on the floor and grabbing the ice as he made his way to the door. </p><p>He opened the front door, expecting it to be Isaiah or Amanda checking up on him, definitely not expecting to see Rafael Barba standing there. </p><p>Neither of them said anything, just stood staring at each other until finally, after what felt like an eternity, Rafael kissed Sonny, his hands colliding with Sonny’s chest and the pair of them stumbled backwards into the flat. </p><p>Sonny’s bag of ice dropped, slamming against the floor as he brought his own hand up to rest on Rafael’s shoulder. He didn’t care why Rafael was here, only that he was here. </p><p>Rafael pulled back, and Sonny thought of that night again, beginning to wonder if this was perhaps a third goodbye. </p><p>“I’m sorry. I got to the airport but I couldn’t stop thinking about you, I couldn’t stop thinking I had made some big mistake.” Hr rushed, and Sonny’s brain seemed to be working overtime to catch up. “I couldn’t go. Not again.”</p><p>Then it hit him. “You’re staying?”</p><p>“If you’ll let me.” </p><p>Colour flooded back into Sonny’s world again, but the only colour that he could focus on was green as he pulled Rafael close to him, kissing him as he pulled the front door shut behind him. </p><p>Rafael was staying. </p><p>He finally had his safe space again. </p>
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